By Carter Clews
Executive Editor of ALG News Bureau
Right from the start, let me admit that I haven’t always obeyed my mother’s admonition to, “Play nice with others.” I did take to heart her dictum, “Never cut your spaghetti.” And, I “Always shake the mop upwind.” But, “Play nice with others”? Well, unfortunately, there are some people I just can’t stand.
Like Ted Danson, for instance.
That’s because Ted Danson epitomizes mindless liberal snobbery. He could be the poster boy for Hollywood elitism. And no one – but no one – has ever made it any clearer to all around him that he has absolutely no use for anyone else on the face of the earth. That goes particularly for those who weren’t lucky enough to land a role as a perfume pitchman and then parley that into a television series where all he had to do was be his smarmy self.
Yet, even with all of that, I didn’t really take the full leftwing measure of the guy until I started watching him portray himself on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Of course, I knew he championed every elitist cause that came down the dead end road. And that he worshiped at the altar of Bill Clinton – until shifting his obsequious allegiance to Hillary, and now to Barack Obama.
But, it was on “Curb” (as those of us who are in with the in-crowd call Larry David’s improvisational masterpiece) that I really got to see Ted be himself. And himself is a jerk. A liberal jerk, who reeks of the liberal mantra, “I got mine, so hell with you.”
Ted, you see, was born into considerable good fortune. And just to make sure the message wasn’t lost on young Theodore, his mummy and dada packed him off to
Now, lest you think that Ted isn’t a true expert on American oceans (and all others for that matter), Rush Limbaugh set us straight on that as far back as 2004:
“I remember when I started this program in 1988, the great Ted Danson, a well-known scientist — he also dabbled in television; you may remember a show called Cheers — but he was primarily a great ocean researcher, and I remember in 1988, Ted Danson announcing that if we didn’t clean up the oceans in 10 years — and that was ’98 — so six years ago, the oceans were to die and along with the oceans dying, so were we … This stuff is just so absurd.”
But, why quote Rush, when Ted speaks so eloquently for himself. Here, a brief sampling of his bloviations:
“Address these environmental issues and you will address every issue known to man. And we keep dabbling in things that aren’t really that important in the long term.”
“Every issue known to man” … I want you to think about that for a second. Now, does that include, for example, radical Islamic terrorism? … the federal deficit that’s skyrocketing $1.7 billion a day? … or, how about, the heartbreak of psoriasis? Ted’s right: we have to stop dabbling in those irrelevancies.
Cloning, wow. Who would have thought? There should be a list of people who can and cannot clone themselves.”
Any guesses who Ted thinks should top the “Can” list? Well, here’s a hint: Check the guest register at the Showboats Rendezvous.
“If you take one rivet out of an airplane, it will be all right, it’ll keep flying. You take another rivet out of the airplane and it still flies. So what the heck, let’s take more rivets out of the airplane, and sooner or later, the airplane drops from the sky.”
I take it that gem was in a memo to bin Laden. And finally … “Years ago, we all talked about recycling and not dumping things down your drain and all of that, but talking doesn’t help much. Basically, it’s going to have to be legislation because the impact is so huge and diversified.”
And, there you have it: the ultimate liberal panacea for whatever happens in the world – by land, sea, or sky – that doesn’t fit the elitist’s myopic, pampered, pusillanimous view of how they want things done – right now: more government.
In other words, “If you don’t do as I say right this minute, I’ll just get Big Government to make you do it – or else.”
And if getting Big Government to block drilling for our own oil ends up forcing you to walk or bike everywhere you want to go, well that’s just too bad; I’ve got my Prius. If getting Big Government to ban the building of nuclear power plants ends up causing you to huddle in the cold in your own home or sweat out long, hot nights with no air conditioning, well, again, that’s just too bad; I’ve got my Cheers residuals.
And if getting Big Government to drive up taxes to the point where you and your family have to scrape by on a mere pittance – or accept the dictates of the welfare dole, well, Ted probably didn’t want you on the list of worthy cloneables anyway. So, there.
As I mentioned earlier, nowhere does Ted’s self-absorbed persona come across more clearly than on Curb Your Enthusiasm. The show is “back-scripted.” That is to say, it is almost entirely improvised. Many of the characters simply play themselves – which is why on Curb, Ted Danson plays, that’s right, the smug, self-centered, condescending Ted Danson.
He is obsessed with the environment. He has his own oceanic foundation. And he and wife share a life together that most Americans can only envy. In other words: no matter how much Big Government costs the rest of us, it won’t touch Ted and Mary.
Which, being the capitalist that I am, wouldn’t bother me at all – if Ted even the slightest bit of concern for those who are going to have to sacrifice the widow’s mite and the sweat of their brows to pay for all of Ted’s Big Government dictates.
Maybe Ted’s mother should have taught him to “Play nice with others.” Because it’s all to clear that as far as he and his ilk are concerned, we others are things not worth dabbling in, since we “aren’t really that important in the long run.”
