By Carter Clews
Executive Editor
In the name of full disclosure, let me say right up front that I have never been to the Dunstable Road, Cambridge, home of Supreme Court Justice Stephen Gerald Breyer and Her Ladyship Joanna Freda Hare.
Nor, after writing this column, am I ever likely to be invited.
But, then, neither are you, if you’re an average Joe or Jane. And, in fact, Lord Stephen and Her Ladyship would really prefer that you just drop dead.
That’s the message, Lord Stephen delivered to Joe Sixpack and Jane Soccermom in his dissenting opinion in the Supreme Court’s recently decided Heller v. D.C. case.
For those of you who have been too busy tending to such trivial matters as making a living, caring for your the kids, and trying to make ends meet—matters Lord Stephen and Her Ladyship pooh-pooh as mundane—Heller was the decision in which the Supreme Court, by a bare 5-4 decision, allowed the Second Amendment to remain in the Constitution (at least for now).
So, yes, you can still own a gun. But the Lord and Her Ladyship are simply appalled. After all, what if you shoot somebody? Or, worse yet in the fou-fou minds of the Lord and Her Ladyship, what if that somebody is a poor, helpless, urban criminal who simply wants to rob, murder, rape, or maim you? Why, tsk, tsk!
Here’s how His Lordship framed the issue in his transparently Pecksniffian Heller dissent: “In my view, there is simply no untouchable constitutional right guaranteed by the Second Amendment to keep loaded handguns in the house in crime-ridden urban areas.”
Allow me to pause for a moment while you re-read that piece of retromingent illogic. And while you do, I want you to ponder two additional thoughts:
- The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution—written at a time when every home housed a gun—reads “…the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” Note to Sir Stephen: they are not referring there to flesh-covered appendages, Your Lordship.
- In the United States, in 2006 (the most recent year for which we have complete records), miscreant thugs committed 1,417,745 violent crimes—including 862,947 aggravated assaults (those are the kind where the victim ends up in the hospital—if you’re lucky); 447,403 robberies; 92,455 rapes; and 17,504 murders.
So, what’s Lord Stephen’s dual message in his dissenting opinion?
To the Founding Fathers: Eat dirt.
And to you: Drop dead.
But, let’s be fair. To fully appreciate His Lordship’s lofty disdain for rebellious Yankees and the common herd, one has to consider his highfaluting frame of reference and lot in life.
You see, Lord Stephen long ago made the sagacious decision to marry one Joanna Freda Hare, daughter, no less, of Sir John Hugh Hare, the 1st Viscount of Blakenham, who himself had the good taste to be the son of the 4th Earl of Listowel and the husband of the daughter of the 2nd Viscount of Cowdray.
In short, as Lord Stephen’s biographers put it, “Breyer married into the a well-established family of the British aristocracy [which] possessed enormous wealth.”
And, hence, Lord Stephen and Her Ladyship Joanna (or, “Hon,” as she prefers to be affectionately called by the social set) moved into 12 Dunstable Road, Cambridge, Massachusetts, where I (nor you) will likely never be invited.
Comfortably ensconced on Dunstable Road, will the Lord and Her Ladyship ever be forced to stoop to such vulgar measures as owning a gun to protect themselves from vicious thugs? Not likely old chum. A quick search of Homes.com reveals that in Lord Stephen’s neck of the woods, homes start at $4,500,000 (that’s for a 2 bd, 3 ba) and by page four of the lengthy listings descend all the way down to $995,000 (for a rather shabby 2 bd, 2 ba). Grab ‘em while they’re hot!
So, the sad, sickening fact of the matter is that Justice Stephen Gerald Breyer and her Royal Ladyship could care less what happens to lowlifes like you and me. If we get murdered, robbed, maimed, or raped … Well, that’s what you get for living within striking distance of “crime-ridden urban areas.”
And as for His Lordship and Lady “Hon,” they don’t have time to talk about it. You see, they’re too busy being whisked off in their cushy new chauffeur-driven limousine to yet another cocktail party at the British Embassy (one of the Lord’s and Lady’s favorite haunts). There, the United States Supreme Court Police force—including Uniformed Services, Protective Services, Threat Assessment Unit, Background Investigation Unit, Honor Guard, Key Response Squad, and HazMat/Bomb Response—will protect them from any and all gun-toting misanthropes from “crime-ridden urban areas.”
And as for you? … Well, you can just drop dead.
Carter Clews is the Executive Editor of ALG News Bureau.
