“When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind’s true liberation”
—The Age of Aquarius
This is the dawning of the age of Obama.
And what a triumphant age it is.
It truly was a righteous evening last Thursday as throngs large and small, disciples near and far, and men, women, children, and polar bears from all 57 states made their pilgrimage to the holy city of Denver to Mount O-lympus upon which the heavenly Barackopolis temple stood erect like a shimmering beacon of hope and change for a new generation of American—nay—world, citizens.
And who better to help usher in this new era of harmony and understanding than the great prophet himself, Mr. Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. of Nobel fame. As he resolutely declared:
“The question facing us, simply put, is will we seize this opportunity for change? That’s why I came here tonight: to tell you why I feel so strongly that we must seize this opportunity to elect Barack Obama president of the United States of America.”
We must heed warning, Prophet Al went on to warn the masses, lest we stray from the divine path and elect the imposter and deceiver John Sidney McCain III. Should we fall from grace in this manner, he warns, the seas will open up, the winds will roar, the fires will rage, and the ground beneath our feet will quake and all the gods of the Earth will unleash their holy fury in a manner not yet witnessed by mere mortals:
“Many scientists predict—shockingly—that the entire North Polar ice cap may be completely gone during summer months during the first term of the next president. Sea levels are rising; fires are raging; storms are stronger. Military experts warn us our national security is threatened by massive waves of climate refugees destabilizing countries around the world, and scientists tell us the very web of life is endangered by unprecedented extinctions.
“We are facing a planetary emergency, which, if not solved, would exceed anything we’ve ever experienced in the history of humankind.”
That’s right. The looming apocalypse would exceed anything we’ve ever experienced in the history of humankind.
But fear not, Prophet Al declares, for Obama is with us:
“Now, in 2008, we already have everything we need to use the sun, the wind, geothermal power, conservation and efficiency to solve the climate crisis — everything, that is, except a president in the White House who inspires us to believe, ‘Yes, we can.’ But we know how to fix that.
“And then let us leave here tonight and take the message of hope from Denver to every corner of our land and do everything we can to serve our nation, our world and our children and their future by electing Barack Obama president of the United States of America.”
So there you have it. Barack Obama, Al Gore, and the rest are the solution to the global warming crisis. Had they been elected to power eight years ago they would already be “solving it.” Unfortunately, the heathens have maliciously wrought their anti-Earth hatred for the last eight years and have brought the demons of climate change upon us all.
Despite Prophet Al’s mighty and comforting vision, however, you may fear that the damage has already been done, that climate change cannot be stopped, that the hurricanes cannot be halted, and that the global warming cannot be prevented. You may fear that certain doom is upon us all. You may fear that no man can change the weather.
Oh ye of little faith.
Before abandoning all hope, let us not forget a question that a group of disciples asked each other some 2,000 years ago:
“And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
Al Gore knows the answer: That man, he proclaims, is Barack Obama.
ALG Perspective: In all seriousness, ALG believes that Al Gore and the rest of the global warming alarmists ought to be ashamed for believing mankind, let alone one man, can dictate the climate of planet Earth. The facts supporting global warming are dubious and paper-thin to begin with, based on flawed computer models, and to think a political party has fooled itself into thinking they can control the wind and sea is downright laughable.
