By Carter Clews
I have decided to write an open letter to the Democrat members of Congress. And I’m sharing it with you, dear reader, since it helps illustrate anew why Mark Twain called Congress “America’s only truly criminal class.”
Now, let me forewarn you that what follows may seem a trifle simplistic. But, please bear in mind that I have to make this as easy as possible for the august members of the United States Congress – since simple logic is obviously not their forte. (Else wise, how would they figure that the best way to get the country out of debt is to triple the federal deficit?)
So, I have tried to put all of this in terms even a politician can understand:
Dear Guys and Gals,
Remember the movie, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles”? Starred the late, large John Candy and the always delightful Steve Martin. Well, in that movie, John and Steve (I’ll call them by their real names, since throwing in their movie names at this point would only tend to confuse you), flew on an airplane, rode on a train, and rented an automobile. Hence, the name of the movie. Get it? No? Well, you can discuss it later at a town meeting.
For now, here’s what I want you to do … First of all, forget about the trains part – because what I’m about to go over with you has nothing to do with trains. I know, I know, we all like trains – and you have a special expertise with them, since you’re the ones who bankrupted Amtrak. But, try to stay with me.
Now what I want you to do is imagine a car with a big box on the back. And let’s call this a truck. Okay? You with me? You’ve probably seen trucks roll past you on the highway when you’re being driven around in your chauffeur-driven limousines. They often have UPS written on them.
Next, I want you to think about those things that fly through the air with wings on them that you use to sneak out of town when your lobbyist friends take you on all-expense-paid political junkets (I’m sorry, I meant “fact-finding missions”). They’re called “planes.”
Trucks roll down the road. Planes fly through the air. I’ll pause here while you repeat that a couple of times until it starts to sink in …
Got it yet? Well, good – because if you do, there’s a question I’d like to ask you: Why in god’s name would you even consider passing a pay-to-play bill sponsored by a crook named Rep. James L. Oberstar (D-MN) that would gut the FedEx air delivery system by treating its fleet of airplanes like they were a bunch of trucks?
Could it be because each of you – like the greedy, grasping James Oberstar – is up to your ears in political pay-offs (sorry, make that “campaign contributions”) from FedEx’s main competitor, United Parcel Service? And because you’re also on the political payroll of the bare-knuckled bosses over at the Teamsters Union — which has been trying unsuccessfully for years to unionize FedEx?
Please, don’t deny it – that would only add insult to injury. According to Bloomberg news, UPS has “given more money to federal lawmakers than any other company over two decades.” And Teamster Union bosses have made a habit of handing Democrats tens of millions of dollars in hard and soft contributions in election after election for decades on end.
Let’s face it, you know exactly what Oberstar did – and why he did it. Carrying water for UPS and the Teamsters, he sneaked 230 words into the voluminous (I know that’s a long word: it means “big”) FAA Reauthorization Act that would gut FedEx. His 230-word poison pill would remove FedEx from the Railway Labor Act, under which it has operated since the day it was founded, and suddenly stick it under a law (the National Labor Relations Act) never intended for the type of air transportation FedEx uses to deliver 85 percent of its packages.
And – more importantly to you, James Oberstar, and your paymasters at United Parcel Service and the Teamsters Union – it would force FedEx to unionize and end its competition with UPS (which, not so coincidentally, delivers 85 percent of its packages by truck and does rightly fall under the NLRA).
In short, you have become little more than Mr. Brown’s Brown Shirts. And that is nothing less than shameful.
So, here’s what I want you to do if you have one ounce of decency left (and, please, write this down, or ask one of your factotum aides to remind you): Strip the Oberstar pay-to-play poison pill language from the FAA Reauthorization Act in the Senate. And, then, just for good measure, make sure that hack Oberstar doesn’t try to stick it back in when the bill goes back to the House. It might help you sleep better at night. Or, if not, at least it will for the rest of us.
Once you’re done all of that, you can get back to bankrupting the nation, which I know is your favorite thing to do anyway.
Sincerely,
Carter Clews
That’s a pretty ugly story, isn’t it, dear reader? And it’s made all the uglier because it is absolutely 100% true. The United States Congress, in its continuing assault upon free enterprise, is preparing to dismantle FedEx at the behest of the USP contributors and Teamster Union bosses.
FedEx calls it a “bailout” (brownbailout.com). I call it a sell-out – because Mr. Brown’s Brown Shirts are preparing to sell your birthright of freedom for their pot of political porridge. Feel free to drop them the above letter if you get the urge. Maybe they might even listen.
Carter Clews is the Executive Editor of ALG News.
