05.31.2009 0

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

  • On: 06/17/2009 09:49:54
  • In: Economy
  • ALG Editor’s Note: Sometimes, as the following featured satire reveals, comedy can often reveal what the man behind the curtain hopes you will not see:

    Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

    WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.

    “What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future,” said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. “We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution.”
    Enlarge Image Recession Expert

    A prominent finance expert asks Congress to help Americans rebuild their ficticious dreams.

    The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called “housing bubble,” are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.

    “Perhaps the new bubble could have something to do with watching movies on cell phones,” said investment banker Greg Carlisle of the New York firm Carlisle, Shaloe & Graves. “Or, say, medicine, or shipping. Or clouds. The manner of bubble isn’t important—just as long as it creates a hugely overvalued market based on nothing more than whimsical fantasy and saddled with the potential for a long-term accrual of debts that will never be paid back, thereby unleashing a ripple effect that will take nearly a decade to correct.”
    Enlarge Image The Next Bubble?

    “The U.S. economy cannot survive on sound investments alone,” Carlisle added.

    Congress is currently considering an emergency economic-stimulus measure, tentatively called the Bubble Act, which would order the Federal Reserve to

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