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07.31.2009 0

Washington’s Newest Game Show “Cash for Clunkers”

  • On: 08/06/2009 09:51:11
  • In: Fiscal Responsibility
  • By Dave Cribbin

    In Washington this week we find our economically illiterate Congress hurriedly working to provide the funding needed to bring you another season of every stimulus junkies favorite program called “Cash for Clunkers”.

    The Show opens with the announcer asking the studio audience and the millions of unemployed people viewing from home a question by borrowing a line from the old Rolaids commercial.

    “How Do You Spell Relief”?

    The audience and the voters back home yell out the answer:

    C A S H – F O R- C L U N K E R S!

    The premise of the show is that everyone will be better off if the price of used cars, the kind bought by folks who can’t afford new ones, are more expensive, and new cars for people who can afford to buy them are subsidized by you, the taxpayer. To do this the government will overpay people who can afford to buy new cars, for their used cars, giving them free money to buy a new car while crushing the used cars they bought. See how that works? It’s pure Genius. Do you get it? No? I don’t either!

    The producers of the show can’t believe how wildly popular free money has become. After being delayed by three weeks while they tried to work out the kinks, this version of the free money give away show has become a smashing success, no pun intended. Successful to the point that all the money allocated to produce the show through the fall has been used up in just two weekends.

    During a commercial break we are reminded just how hard they are working in D.C. to bring us the sequel to our favorite new stimulus show. They point to the speed with which they ran through the budget of “Cash for Clunkers One” as proof of the fact that it’s working so well. Go figure. Who would of thunk that so many people would be clamoring for free money?

    Some of the show’s critics point out that it hurts every taxpayer who is stuck footing the bill in order that a few lucky folks can get a good buy down at the new car dealer. While others point out that the poorer folks who may have wanted to buy one of those inexpensive cars now destined for the scrapper are the ones who will literally pay the price by paying more for a clunker to get around in. But hey, the show has got great ratings, and that’s what counts in Washington. Effectiveness? Not so much. In Washington it’s all about the ratings.

    So, I say why stop at Cash for Clunkers? After all, when you are on this big of a roll, you’ve got to go for broke! Which apparently we are! It’s just not happening fast enough for our Congressional buddies. So, I’d like to suggest they try my all time favorite show called: “Money for Nothing”! Yeah, that’s the ticket. Just hand out free money to everyone. Then we’d really be getting somewhere. There’s already a catchy theme song we could use for the show, by a band appropriately named Dire Straits. Which is where we are heading as a result of the foolishness that passes for leadership and sound economic policy by this Congress.

    Dave Cribbin is a contributing writer for ALG News.

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