07.25.2011 0

Introducing the New “Teflon President” — 2012 Model

Satire by Victor Morawski – Hey, kids! Boy are those Republicans and Tea Party Conservatives gonna’ be in a tizzy when they hear this. For years they’ve been saying things like “In 2008 he ran on charisma and catchy slogans; in 2012 he’ll have to run on his record.” And “How long can they continue to blame George W. Bush for all the nation’s problems?” Just wait ‘til they see what we have for them.

Introducing the new “Teflon President” — 2012 Model!

Since the 1980’s conservatives have had their very own Teflon President — the Ronald Reagan model. Now it’s time for those of us on the left to have ours. Our new Barack Obama model comes with the highest quality non-stick surface, guaranteed to last an entire campaign season.

Kids, let them throw a charge at your Teflon President and watch in amazement as it trickles down harmlessly and vanishes. Your new model will absolutely accept no responsibility for anything that could hinder his reelection chances or your money back! You’ll see; nothing sticks to him — absolutely nothing.

Are they complaining that the “stimulus” bill didn’t create many jobs? Tell them, “Don’t blame the President, blame Congress” for not letting him spend even more as was originally suggested by James Galbraith and Dean Baker of the Center for Economic and Policy Research.

Are they claiming that if there is any economic growth at all, it’s happening too slowly? Just remind them what the President himself said in a June weekly radio address “Don’t blame me, blame the Japanese earthquake and Tsunami!”

Are they saying that we are still in a recession for all practical purposes? Agree with Christina Romer. Tell them not to blame the President but chide them for their lack of in-depth economic knowledge and failure to realize that we in fact are in a recovery after all, a “growthless recovery.”

Are they claiming that he has had three years and the economy is not fixed yet — not even close? Just tell them he didn’t know how long it was going to take to fix the mess he inherited. And kids, if it’s taking him this long to fix it then who broke it? That’s right! Don’t blame the President, blame George W. Bush.

Are they worried about near four dollar per gallon gas prices? Don’t mention his drilling moratorium and slowness in approving offshore drilling permits or his destabilization of Libya, just be like MSNBC’s Chuck Todd and say, “Don’t blame the President, blame the Federal Reserve” for printing too much new money — along with, of course, a greater global demand for oil.

Do they charge him with conducting an illegal war in Libya? Say, “Don’t blame the President, blame Congress” for not noticing early enough that he was extending the conflict beyond the two-month deadline set by the War Powers Act and agree with him that we’re just not doing enough fighting there to call it a war.

Do they moan about rising food prices? Say, “Don’t blame the President, blame Global Warming” for hindering world food production, as a new Stanford University report by David Lobell claims.

These and other accusations will roll off your new Teflon President like water off a duck’s back.

We do apologize that you’ll have to wait ‘til next year to order yours. Though hoping to have your new model out in 2011, we’ve hit a bit of a snag. Our product designers had wanted to convey the President’s good-natured, happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care attitude toward the fact that the entire country seems to be falling apart around him by including the phrase “What, me worry?” on the base of each new model. There has been an unexpected delay though as it seems that slogan is already in use.

David Axelrod said recently that 2012 will not be a referendum on Barack Obama’s policies. Why? ‘Cause he knows our new model will be out by then. Why else?

Victor Morawski, professor at Coppin State University, is a Liberty Features Syndicated writer.

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