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04.30.2009 0

Grand Theft Auto: The Political Version

  • On: 05/13/2009 09:53:31
  • In: Barack Obama
  • By David Cribbin

    The popular video game, Grand Theft Auto, has seemingly exploded off the video screen in recent months, and is being played out in real time by the Obama Administration. Like the video game, the Obama real-life version enables “political players” to take on the role of a criminal enterprise, roaming freely around fictional cities knocking over banks and insurance companies, sacking CEO’s, intimidating Hedge Fund Managers, threatening Bondholders and anyone else who gets in their way, in order to score political points and win the game.

    Just as in the video version, the players have names: the Ring Leader Barry, his number two man and enforcer Rohmie, and the assortment of ethically challenged, tax- dodging cronies Timmy, Tommy, and Katie.

    The action in the video game takes place in make-believe cities that represent New York, San Francisco and Miami. In the real life version, the action is mainly centered in make-believe cities like Detroit, the Utopian Labor City on the hill, Washington D.C., the Financial Nerve Center of the World, and New York City, the Penal Colony for Greedy Bankers and Nefarious Wall Streeters.

    Points are scored by doing the dirty work of local community organizers and running political protection rackets for liberal groups. In the video game, players steal one car at a time; in the much grander real life version, plundering the entire auto industry for the UAW is done in one fell swoop, scoring countless political points in the process. A new feature of the game is the Boeing 747, available if you want to swing by Lady Liberty and score some additional style points, while taking cool snaps to impress the guys back in Chi-town.

    Unlike the video game, the real life version lets you score big by shooting up the health care industry, bullying doctors and roughing up Blue Cross and Blue Shield executives. Points can even be had for stealing vouchers from school children trying to get an education, and shaking down taxpayers to fund all sorts of shovel- ready projects (gamer code for political make- work jobs).

    The sound track in the latest version of the game enables you to censor radio stations, so that you can filter out the Limbaughs, Hannitys ,Becks and other radio personalities who don’t agree with your vision for America. Instead, a continuous loop of elevator- type background noise emanates from the likes of MSNBC, CNN and NBC.

    In an unusual twist, considering the game is mostly played by Liberal types, there are no points awarded for being carbon neutral. It’s been reported that grumbling can be heard from inside the little green hybrid/electric cars, as they hurry from issue to issue, dishing out change we can believe in, something about how cramped these little tin boxes are, and couldn’t we just one time carjack one of those roomy SUV’s? Apparently, a carbon tax is being written into Grand Theft Auto 2.0, assuming that release makes it past the voters.

    David Cribbin is the President of the Tailwind Capital Group. His blog can be viewed at

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